Nosy Neighbor Seeks Your Business

I wonder how great it would be living in a building for years and not have a neighbor annoy me. I moved to my building in 2005 two days after my birthday. A perfect gift. The first day I moved in a met both of my neighbors to my left and right. I knew which one would to be my BFF (in her head) and I knew who would be the nosy one.
Let's call the nosy one Lanosy. See Lanosy is always ringing my bell about the craziest things.
Buzz Hi, its Lanosy did you see a roach?
Buzz Hi, its Lanosy where do you work? I heard your a cop is that true so, so, so where do you work?
Buzz Hi, it's Lanosy I wanted to know if you smell something. Smells like something’s dead. I wonder if it's a dead body. Well do you?
Buzz Do you have my package? I'm looking for it.
Buzz I think I know who your boyfriend is he's a told black guy right?
My answer to all of her questions:
No, I didn't see a roach until you just opened your door.
No, I'm not a cop, who told you that?
No I don't smell a dead body.The only thing I smell is fish, it is Friday you know.
No, I don't have the package read the note the UPS guy left you. (She knew the answer)
No, He's a tall white guy. She's never seen him because we are very careful. When he visits we keep our ears and eyes open. I don't need her asking him 25 questions.
Tonight she decided to ring my bell because she's on a mission to destroy bed bugs and get the neighbor who brought them in evicted. She handed me a paper with the buildings owners email and told me tell him she's got to go and  give him some extra info like hey, we have roaches, mice, and bed bugs.
Before she let me go she added you know there are some people who live in this building hear me fart and gossip about it.
What the bleep? I think this lady is totally sniffing bug powder or just going crazy.
I wish I could ask her if she's sleeping around with the Porter because she likes to flirt with him. One day I will ask her 3 million questions.

Our Mayor's New Diet Plan

After work I rarely buy snacks before I hop on the train, yesterday was different.  My stomach was growling so, I went to the store next to my job in search of Bravo Chips, and since they were sold out I purchased Cheese Doodles. As I was waiting for the train I opened up the bag and began munching. When I got on the train I continued munching until I noticed the advertisement below. All kinds of guilt came over me. Don't get me wrong I know better, however this ad scared the FAT OUT OF ME! See way back in December I cut the junk out of my life. I lost 15 pounds. During the summer I started going back to my old lovers Mr. Ice cream, Mr. Burgers and Mr. Chips. I still don't know why I went back.
After reading this ad I don't want to look at my "old lovers" because I don't  want  none of the health problems listed below.
  I must say my dear ol' Mayor loves reminding New Yorkers how our health will be doomed if we don't stop eating junk or smoking cigarettes.
 I was a marketing major in college and I never thought an ad could reel me in boy was I WRONG!!
His campaigns really work. His NYC Quits smoking campaigns make me want to quit smoking and I don't even smoke. It’s that serious.
This experience has changed my life maybe forever or just for a couple of months. We all know how it goes.
Mayor Bloomberg your diet plan is making progress. MOVE OVER JENNY CRAIG!!!

A RAT IS NOT A CAT

I've seen a lot of crazy things living in this beautiful city especially on 42nd street late at night. Last Thursday night while I was waiting for the train on 42nd I watched two guys harass a rat. The rat was doing what all rats do. He was running back and forth on the tracks looking for food or exercising. All of the sudden the two guys began calling him as if the rat was a cat.
 "Psst, Psst”
After they got his attention one guy threw a can at the rodent while the other spat at him and threw a candy bar wrapper. Who does that? I never thought I would say this, but I think the rat was afraid. New York rats are usually tough. They usually show no fear. I know these two guys had to be bad because the rat just frozen letting these dingdongs harass him. I'm thinking the rat thought the guys were crazy or maybe the rat was a baby.
All New Yorker's know we don't bother the rat community. You leave them alone and they will leave you alone. I don't know the reasons why they began attacking the rat. Maybe they were drunk or tourist trying to have a New York Moment. I'm hoping they were drunk.
Anything can happen in a New York minute.

Granny Likes Fifty Shades

Young Lady: Excuse me do you have Fifty Shades of Grey?
Me: Yes, You'll be number 25 on the waiting list
Young Ladies Boyfriend: Whoa! that's a lot. Did you read it?
Young Lady: Slaps boyfriend.
After this request I became curious. Why on earth did she slap her boyfriend for asking me if I read a book? Well, I came to good ol' google to find out. After reading a synopsis I understood the smack. He had some nerve asking me if I read the book in front of his girl. I would smack you too.
This was two months ago. The waiting list for 50 Shades of Grey has grown. On Saturday 876 are waiting for the book. This book has become the Golden Girls Twilight. Granny's are asking for this book. One lady whispered in my ear, hey maybe this book can bring the animal out of me in the bedroom. I must have turned red or purple because she said Oh, no I hope you don't think I'm a freak? I told her I understand. I gave her the Isaac from Love Boat wink and smile.
Another Granny came in and asked if the book came in large print. She wanted to know if the book could help her. I wanted to laugh because she wanted the book in large print plus she looked like she use to be "fresh" in her young days.
I don't plan on reading this book, I'll just wait for the Senior Sex Kittens to give the  juicy details.
HAPPY READING;-) ME-OW!

Can You Be My Boyfriend.....Only On FB;-)

Remember when guys use to post pics of  their many "girlfriends."I think it's so funny females are posting pics of a different boyfriend every two months. You're in love with this guy and the other guy and the other, other guy. After you break up you  change your status and post how he made your life miserable. They all made your life miserable. The next week you post  your new found love pictures. You're so happy.You feel so good when he's around.He brings the sunshine to your life and then BOOM! You change your status to single. You post sad love songs and quotes. You take pics with your best friends because they are your "new boyfriends" and they are soooo important to you. After a while (a week) you feel the need to go on a hunt again.You hit your FB list looking for single status or go to the club in search of a new MAN. You hit the jackpot again. You  meet the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE- AGAIN. You grab your camera and proceed to post your pics and change your status.You post, "I'm happy again, life is beautiful with you."
Did you ever think you look like a hoe?  Or desperate.Chill for a second. You're switching men like crazy. Give your brain, heart and your "vanina" a break.

Once you are out of High School having a boyfriend on your arm isn't important.What are you trying to prove? Are you trying to prove you can get a man with one click or snap?
Have you ever thought it's not the men it's you? Wake up ladies NO MAN CAN MAKE YOU! Relationships will come and go, but if you keep all of your relationships for 6 months and you move on quickly you will never find yourself. Seek help.
 Finally,when you post pics with different guys every other month remember these are your pictures  your friends, co-workers, and family are seeing this. Chances are they think you have a problem you just don't know you have a problem. One of them might confront you.Please don't get an attitude and talk about their failed relationships. You can't judge them. At least they take breaks. Now, don't get me wrong some might  support this behavior and post "you guys are so cute". "You look happy"they're either liars or  crazy like you.
PLEASE STOP LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR & SEEK HELP!

New York, Your Wearing THAT!

 I remember when I was a little kid riding the train to Manhattan with my mom I use to admire  the fashions. My first memory of New York fashion was near 34 street. A woman had yellow spiked hair she was dressed like Cyndi Lauper, however she had her own touch. I remember going to Fulton Street and watching the "hip hop style and guys and girls. I always loved when I saw a person wearing Cazals. It just added a special touch to an outfit. New York was something in the 80's and even the 70's.
 I went to Soho today. I was looking for a pair of gold sneakers. Yes, GOLD DARLINGS No Luck! As I walking around I discovered New York has lost it's style and realness. We are slowly becoming a cookie cutter city. Why is this happening? I blame it on Kim K. and all of those other reality t.v. shows. New Yorkers are dressing the same even the weirdo's have lost their weirdness. The punks have lost their spunk and the rich snobs are just RICH no hint of Chanel anywhere just big mouths screaming about their rental vacation homes in the Hampton's. I only found three originals walking around. The rest were just Soho wannabe's.
While heading to the train I did spot a group who had their on style. They were walking behind me. I smelled weed so, I turned around. Two of them were smoking weed. They were keeping it real fo' sho' lol They had style, real style. I call their look BUMMYWEED CHIC. They were bummy, however they had that old New York style I was looking for.

I miss the old New York. I miss the old style. Shoot I miss Ed Koch ♥
I still Love New York♥ Just get your style back!

GIVE ME A NICKEL, YOU N TRAIN BASTARDS!!!

Remember back in the old days when real homeless people would ask for a nickel and if you didn't give he or she would say God Bless or nothing at all? Those were the days.
I decided to take the N train I thought it would be less stressful. A (fake)homeless man got on the train and announces, "I'm homeless.I won't perform, but I need money." He continued to walk up and down the car repeating himself. Not one person gave him money. Well, this brother got so mad. He began screaming," I wish your homes will catch on fire, then you won't have no nickels."
" You're all stupid cuz you used nickels to play scratch-offs and lost. You are all stupid because you played Power Ball and lost that's why y'all a**holes are sitting on the train. He repeated this for 10 minutes.
Why didn't he move on? Why are nickels his favorite coin?
Before he got off the train he said, "I hate all of you motherf****. You all make me sick. Hold on to yo' d*** nickels. Hold on TIGHT!"
Back to the Q train I go.

FACEBOOK POSE:-)

Facebook mirror on the wall, don't you think I can strike a mean pose?
Please be cautious of the pictures you post on Facebook. Just because you get a lot of likes and comments doesn't mean it's true.Believe it or not some people are sitting at home laughing at your pictures and some are hating on you too. Right now I'm focusing on the laughing.
I'm not going to lie I've laughed and shook my head at some pics. I try not to "like" or comment on a pic if I think you look crazy or a hot mess. Sometimes I want to inbox a *slap.
Please STOP with the half naked hoochie mama pics. I don't care if you take pride in your big beautiful body , big boned body, or skinny body.
  Men please stop posting pics with your shirt off and your caption reads "I'm dah boss ladies, and I'm waiting for you". or "like" if you want this.You know you have some form of low self-esteem and you want attention.
For those of you who post pics of your sex toys. I'm not judging you, however KEEP THAT ISH PRIVATE!! Don't get mad when a hot mess female or dude sends you a message saying I like handcuffs too. Let's hook u;-).
Maybe Facebook is therapy for people who have low self esteem or attention getters. The good part is you don't hear the laughing or see the shaking heads. All you see is the "like" and positive comments and it makes you feel good.
P.S.
Do me a favor and look at your real mirror and not your Facebook mirror.

DANCING WITH A HUNK!

Last night I watched Season Premiere of Dancing with the Stars. I'm a fan of the show and I made sure I set my DVR.  I wanted to watch Jaleel White dance again. I was wondering if he was going to do the Urkel dance. While waiting for Jaleel to perform. I didn't know I would see the sexiest man on earth perform. (Trumpets please) William Levy. The audience went wild. As I sat in my living room watching this man Cha Cha I was wondering where did he come from? Well, I went to Google and let my fingers do some searching. I'm mad at myself for not paying attention to him. After reading his info. I immediately posted his picture to my wall. My friends agreed with me. One of my friends said, I like your new crush. He makes me want to go to Cuba.
I can't wait to watch him dance again.He's got my vote. Don't get me wrong I'm voting for Jaleel too. He did great last night.
I must add I'm still a Channing Tatum and Brad Pitt fan.

 Rich, poor, middle class, and control freaks ride the train. Last night I witnessed a control freak trying to control a group of  Breakdancers.
 Last night on the Q train
Breakdancers: Y'all know what time it is?
IT'S SHOWTIME!
Y'ALL KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?
IT'S SHOWTIME!
Mr.Poindexter: (stands up) Excuse me I don't want to watch you dance or hear your music. Before you intrude please ask if we want to hear this. You people do this all the time and you should ask.
Breakdancers: You're the only one complaining.
Mr. Poindexter: I think these people agree.
Lady: I WANT HEAR. I WANT TO SEE. DANCE!
ME: (Looking for Ashton Kutcher or John Quinones)
Breakdancer: Well Sir, You've been voted out. One vote is enough for me.
Poindexter: I don't care. Please don't do this
Breakdancer: I'm going to dance. I'm going to be famous. I go to school Mon-Fri. SIT DOWN BALDY(BEGINS DANCING)
  Poindexter (SITS DOWN, PUTS EAR PLUGS IN HIS EAR AND READS THE PAPER)
Breakdancer: THANK YOU LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND ANGRY MAN! (LOOKS AT POINDEXTER) I bet you were a miserable child.
Poindexter: I was very happy.
WHY WAS THIS MAN ON THE TRAIN WITH EAR PLUGS AND AN ATTITUDE.  He needs a driver. If you're riding the train you never know what your going to see. Years ago I was on the N train and a man got on with a homemade horse costume. Mr. Poindexter would have told him trains aren't for horses please go back to your stable. I must say he made a bold move. I would have never did what he did. I'm glad it ended well.


Gotta Love New York